What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
The Economic Stimulus payment is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition
television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian Economy
with your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China.
* if you spend it on gasoline, your money goes to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to China.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to the management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, you can keep the money in Canada by:
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Go to a ballgame, or
(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(These are the only Canadian businesses still operating in Canada)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met
at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I’m just
glad I could be of help.
‘’Your friendly tax accountant’’